Having a loving and successful relationship is not about whether or not two people fight, but how long it takes to make up afterwards. All couples battle it out at times, but how easily they make up and move on, that’s another story. Learn how to make up like an adult after an argument with the following 7 simple rules:
1. Identify the Root
Fights often seem to be about silly, childish things, but in reality, if you look beneath the arguments, you realize that the real reason behind the fight is unexpressed. Ask yourself... What’s it about? Are you afraid of abandonment? Did you feel unappreciated and taken for granted? Are you feeling insecure? Find out the source of the fight and the core issue, and try to deal with that instead.
2. Stay Calm
Don’t attack, yell, or defend. Fight fair, communicate nonviolently, speak softly, and tell your partner calmly what bothers you and makes you angry; this will help you both relax and avoid arguing. Avoid criticizing and being sarcastic, which will only make matters worse. Don’t push hot buttons or bring up the past! Finally, set boundaries; do not curse or say bad words, or call each other nasty names and yell at each other. No matter how much you lose control, do NOT cross the line and always show respect!
“I’m sorry” is a hard thing to say, but it means a lot to your partner. Apologizing is a gesture of love and maturity. Stop trying to win the argument and let go of being right; your priority should be to stop the fight and not to want to win it! Admit that you’re wrong, or you behaved wrong; it will only help you reconnect with your partner and build respect. Apologizing will calm the tension and will let your partner apologize as well.
4. Be the Mature One
During a fight, when both sides are attacking, the situation will surely get out of control. Within every couple, one partner has to always be more mature than the other, specially if you want to stop fighting. Next time your partner is attacking, deal with it in a mature way; stop arguing, understand that he/she’s angry and that once the fight is over, they’re going to realize it. Your partner may continue to shoot comments at you - don’t fan the flames and don’t participate. Don’t let your partner’s lack of maturity bring your relation down; instead, let your maturity help to halt the fight.
5. Calm Down
When a fight gets out of hand, and voices are raised, instead of walking out or giving your partner the silent treatment, ask your partner to take a time out; allow yourself to cool off a little and clear your mind. This will also help your partner calm down and realize that love and respect in a relationship is what matters. Often, at the end of the time out, both of you will come back together with a softer startup and with the intent to resolve the conflict. Finally, don't rush your partner to make up; be patient and give space until he/she’s is ready to reconnect with you.
6. Send a Love Signal
No matter how upset we are, love is often stronger than anger and pain. During a fight, take a moment of silent and demonstrate your love by sending an ‘I love u’ signal with a caring word, a loving touch, or an unexpected passionate kiss. This will definitely ease the tension between the two of you and will make your partner realize that you love them no matter what. Just make sure to avoid a physical ‘make-up’ session before you have resolved the issue, in order to avoid sweeping the problem under the rug and end up fighting in the future for the same issues over again.
7. Laugh About ItInterrupt the tension of the fight with laughter. You can jokingly mimic your partner or make a funny face or a silly joke to interrupt the fight and help lighten the mood and minimize the anger. When you make your partner laugh, he/she will realize the silliness of the situation because most of the time, the fight is childish and ridiculous. Just make sure you resolve the situation and understand what upset your partner, once you come back to being serious again.