The Emotional Side of Rough Sex

UNDER THE SHEETS
Saturday, April 19, 2014
THE EMOTIONAL SIDE OF ROUGH SEX
The Emotional Side of Rough Sex

"How sweet are thy fifty shades of pink unto thy broken flesh; hurts like hell, tastes like heaven… as sweet as honey." This is how you, dear audacious reader, might have thought as you pondered over your lover's pleasure box, and watched it display bruises, bites, scratches, and pinch marks. Somewhere on the rocky road to sexy roughness, the sadistic in you showed up and took charge. But, have you ever asked yourself if all those crazy, nasty things you fancy are being done the right way?

 

Trust and Consent

Rough sex is not forced or brutal sex. Trust and consent differentiate the rough from the abusive. Without rock-solid trust, taking charge and being taken charge of loses its sense of fun, and becomes scary. Furthermore, having a partner who enjoys BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism) does not mean that you should always have your way without her or his approval. They may be turned off by your kink or by specific sexual arrangements. They may also tend to grow fond of different things as they go through the process - learning about what works best for them, and discovering new trends that go beyond the old pain vanilla kink.

 

Insecurities and Limits

Rough sex is not angry or out-of-control sex. Fears and limitations should set the boundaries between what is ok and what is not. The limits of roughness have to do with consent, delight, and communication. The latter works as a safety net for the Sub (Submissive), shedding the light on her or his tolerance level to pain, panic triggers, physical challenges, experience status…. Communication also works as a teaser in which the initiator expresses the most secret desires, and describes the apex of the fantasy. If the scene takes off, and one of you suddenly feels uncomfortable, the safe word you have established before the act must be used.

 

Sensibility and Spirituality

Rough sex is transformative and transcendental. It allows you and your partner to work out some of your pent-up tension, and release it in an intensely aggressive manner that can add up to killer orgasms. The sudden, dramatic reactions that usually follow are quite normal (tears, screams, euphoria) and very similar to what is reported by those practicing prolonged meditation. Moreover, rough sex embraces the spiritual as it allows the "killing of the personality" and "breaking down the ego," without causing actual harm to the spirit. The Sub is given the opportunity to break free from her or his own restraining inhibitions, and the Dom (Dominant), from society’s inherited norms.

 

Primal Instincts and Raw Emotions

Rough sex is self-explanatory and self-exploratory. Since sex is a body and mind game, dirty talk and power-play are not elaborate homemade porn to a kinkster, but a spontaneous chain of responses scripted by hormonal impulses and sexual intelligence. As kinksters call it, rough sex is a way to "get off." It is about feeling the adrenaline rush grow "with this special someone." Additionally, it has the merit of being the most radical and aggressive kind of natural aphrodisiac. Because it mixes pleasure with pain, and it keeps you rooted to the present, a hellish and rough sex session will definitely work you both into a frenzy.

 

Tips to Get You Started:


Hair pulling: You need a proper handful to spread the pull across the scalp, inducing a sense of aphrodisiac pressure into the brain’s neurochemistry, rather than turning her or his head into a lost clump of hair.

 

Spanking: Alternate between petting and spanking with gradual intensity at a rhythmic pace.

 

If you're a Sub who's thriving for power, choose a play in which you can have the upper hand (handcuffs/tethers, medical play, out-of-bedroom sex, drunken sex, make up sex...).

 

If sex hurts, this means you’re doing it wrong, or there’s a potential medical issue. Either way, you should stop. Rough sex is wild, energetic sex that can take place during misogynistic/misandristic sex, and probably, during other alternative fetishes like slapping, spitting, whipping, electrifying, cutting…. However, rough sex does not need to involve violence or humiliation (unless requested and granted in risk-free doses). It can be whatever you want it to be, and you can take it as far as your partner is willing to go. Study the subject, examine your interests, and understand your partner's take on the matter. Be sure you always express a sense of mutual respect and sensual affinity towards one another. Once you have that covered, you can start enjoying all the possibilities… by starting small... and working your way up to the top.